Ok. I am not going to edit this blog. An exercise in letting it be.
I want to say that I am a bit ashamed that I have not posted here since December. ! I'll tell you why I haven't: I have wanted to find the perfect subject, the perfect words, the perfect morsels of wisdom to send out into the permanence of cached blog-world.
I am a business owner and this stands as a testament about my business, about my character. I have deliberated on how to present an ideal image that readers and customers might view with respect. That they might see my company as an inspiration, and be then compelled to spend extravagant amounts of money at www.emilysbeautyinbalance.com, shameless plug, please go spend money now ( ;
But I didn't only start this business to make money. If I wanted just money, I know several ways that I could make much more by doing much less. No, I wanted to stand for something, and be of some service, and grow a greater respect for myself through the process. I wanted to create a world of my own philosophy and embody that philosophy.
Well let me tell you, it ain't easy. Days and nights and long hours of work, struggling to get things right, discovering a plethora of my own weaknesses and faults magnified by the pace of a growing business, all of these things threaten that which I set out to accomplish - a balanced life.
I can't sit down to write pretending that I am the perfect business owner, that I have all of the answers, that I am some guru as part of me would like to be. I have strengths and shortcomings as we all do. And I realize now that I have let my fear of this imperfection hinder me from moving forward and really becoming part of the process of personal evolution.
It is very much like my previous entry Walking In Circles. That's precisely what I've been doing when it comes to writing this blog, and also many other things that affect my business and personal life. And all of the walking around this focal point represents a futile attempt to avoid what's pulling me to the center, where I am what I am - rather than what I would like to appear to be.
And in plain words (because, again, in this attempt to be something 'greater' I tend to flower things up), I just need to own who I am and stop trying to portray the all-knowing. I read a quote the other day in some business thing that said "If you admit a negative your customers will give you a positive." I don't know if that's the holy grail of business, but I do know that if you are confident in what you are doing and in what you are selling the flowery words aren't as necessary, and it is easier to admit that you are not perfect. In fact, it's liberating.
It's not like if I pretended to be perfect anyone would believe me anyhow..
The other day I contacted an old friend who had had some problems a while ago, and I thought that I had gotten to a place where I could offer some guidance. When she called me back the conversation took an unexpected turn. It turned out that this person was in a very good place and actually had a ton of guidance to offer me. I felt silly, and also grateful. I didn't know that I was looking for guidance! But the truth is, most people who try to tell are really just listening for something.
I want to listen more.
I have decided to start to interview people who have inspired me in the business world or otherwise. There is no shame in me not knowing everything, there is no shame in me not being able to figure out what to tell my followers (there are now two, both cherished) about how to better their businesses. I have had some success, but I have so much more to learn. The day when I think I know it all will be the day that growing ceases. Not that I ever did think I knew it all - I always knew I was far, but my mistake was in being ashamed to admit that to others.
I once read somewhere that one should never show his weaknesses. Maybe it was a fortune cookie..? Anyways I internalized that and thought it was important. But I realize now that so many things we perceive as weakness are in fact strengths in disguise. Our frailties make us beautiful.
So I don't want to be preachy. Do what you want. Be who you are, that is all the advice I can offer. For now I will include other people's wisdom, and when a specific subject comes up that I know something about I will share my experiences. Like Organic Lavender Distillate. I know a TON about that! Search engine optimization, I love it, I'm always learning more. For many things, I can tell you exactly what NOT to do. Hey, that's wisdom, isn't it?
Well thanks for reading, this is a new approach for me. It takes a lot of courage to step out and be completely candid about my insecurities. But I don't think that writing this blog will make someone decide they don't want to buy my lotion (It puts the lotion on it's skin). And if it does, I'm very sorry. You just missed out on the best lotion experience you'll ever not have.
